Reading Eat Pray Love

I am inspired by the book, Eat Pray Love.  I have been reading it the last couple of days and I can understand how the author is feeling in the book.  I can identify with this quote "When I look back on my romantic record, it doesn't look so good. It's been one catastrophe after another.  How many more different types of men can I keep trying to love and continue to fail? Think of it this way-- if you'd had ten serious traffic accidents in a row, wouldn't they eventually take your driver's license away?"  I feel like this so much right now.  I have dated so many different kinds of men and boys since I was old enough to date. I am divorced and a single mother.  I never set out wanting to be a single parent and yet here I am.  I have been a mother for over 18 years now.  It has been so long since I have been in a "real" relationship that went somewhere. I have dated so many different men that the list is getting way too long.  Don't get me wrong, I have really enjoyed dating many of these men, some were very good looking and fun to be with.  However, I am now getting to a point in my life where I finally don't have to spend every moment of my day raising my kids alone.  I now have one child in college and another who is in 7th grade.  I now have more free time than I know what to do with for the first time in my adult life.
I became a mother for the first time when I was 20. My daughter's father decided to have no part in raising her. I tried to ask for help, but it never really worked out.  It only hurt her over and over when her father was not there for her. It was heartbreaking to see all of the wonderful or horrible things she did in her life and never have him there to help or enjoy her with me.  It took me a long time to forgive him and move on. 
My son's dad and I started dating when my daughter was just an infant.  We lived together and then years later got married.  I had a great relationship with him at first, but I went to college and he did not. We not only grew in different ways, he also became more and more abusive and violent over the years.  It ended horribly when my son was only one year old.  So I have been a single mom for the last 11 years, but it feels so much longer because my ex-husband never really helped me with my daughter...
I went through a lot of different relationships during this time, but nothing that would make me feel they were worth being with forever or that they felt that way about me.  I have dated a bodybuilder/personal trainer/ex-UFC fighter, teacher, ex-cop now teacher, chef, fireman, drummer from a famous band, ex-con, welder, mechanic, white rapper who was really a spoiled brat, professor, Realtor, plumber/kick-boxer, pipe layer, cyclist, and lots more.  Some of these relationships lasted a long time others only a few dates. The only ones I really loved ended up hurting me and it didn't go well.  They were younger and older and my age, rich living right on the beach to poor and still living at home with parents.  Now as I am older I look back and see I have had a fear of commitment for a long time. 

Remembering a former student.

This week I had some horrible news. One of my former students, Jose, was killed fighting in Iraq last weekend.  I was so upset to hear the sad news.  I first heard from an email and then I checked his facebook page and found out he was gone.  Jose was a hero and I am so sad for his family and friends.  He graduated in 2007 and was 21 years old.  I just recently talked to him on facebook and he was proud to serve his country.
Today I had the difficult  job of doing an interview for the local TV news. It was hard to do and emotionally draining.  I did the interview and I had to have the vice principal watch my 3rd period class while I answered the questions and remembered Jose.  I feel so bad for his family and I hope to go to the funeral when I find out when it is.
Jose you are a hero and you died protecting your country! RIP

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